


Just Following (Lab Safety) Protocol

by bevmantle



Category: Freeman’s mind, Half-Life
Genre: Exhibitionism, Hate Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Pre-Canon, Semi-Public Sex, Trans Barney Calhoun, Trans Character, Trans Gordon Freemind, Trans porn by a trans author, Verbal Bondage, Verbal Humiliation, Workplace Sex, ft. some very dubious lab safety lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28237038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevmantle/pseuds/bevmantle
Summary: In retrospect, yeah, Barney probably could’ve been more careful. But was it his fault? If you asked him, the answer was an emphaticFuck, no.It was obviously Freeman’s fault—Gordon Freeman, who strutted down the halls of Black Mesa like he owned the place, sneering at Barney fordaringto offer some help carrying his samples down to the lab.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman (Freeman’s Mind)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	Just Following (Lab Safety) Protocol

**Author's Note:**

> literally just mindhoun porn lol what can i say. minors: begone
> 
> did you know the black mesa security force locker room has communal showers? i didnt know and then [my friend](http://halware.tumblr.com) played blue shift and told me about it and now you know too. enjoy
> 
> EDIT: CHARLIE MADE [AMAZING ART OF THIS FIC](https://felsics.tumblr.com/post/638336738359672832/mindhoun-foreverfrom-this-fic-nsfw-hours-no) PLEASEEEE GO LOOK AT IT

In retrospect, yeah, Barney probably _could’ve_ been more careful. But was it his fault? If you asked him, the answer was an emphatic _Fuck, no._ It was obviously Freeman’s fault—Gordon Freeman, who strutted down the halls of Black Mesa like he owned the place, sneering at Barney for _daring_ to offer some help carrying his samples down to the lab.

“As if!” Freeman said. “These samples are _highly_ unstable, do you really think I’d let someone like _you_ get any closer to them than you already are? Go—go swipe someone through a door, or whatever it is you lazy fuckers do all day.”

Barney rolled his eyes. Yeah, with an attitude like that? It was definitely Freeman’s fault.

He’d turned to leave—it was about time for him to clock out, anyway—when he remembered he’d left some paperwork in Kleiner’s office, which was in the opposite direction. He spun on his heel and crashed directly into Freeman, who dropped the samples, because apparently someone decided it was just going to be Shit On Barney Day. God damn it.

“Fucking— _shit!_ Get the _fuck_ away from me!” Freeman shouted, scrambling back. “I _told_ you these samples are unstable, I don’t fucking know how they’ll react—” He broke off as both he and Barney realized simultaneously that he was completely drenched.

“...React with what?” Barney prompted, eyeing him apprehensively, already mentally mapping out the location of the closest safety shower, which was...two halls over, in the lab that Freeman had been heading for.

Freeman gritted his teeth, already starting to peel off his lab coat. “Closest shower. _Now.”_

“Closest one’s in AnMats,” Barney said. Freeman opened his mouth, but Barney barreled ahead before he could say anything. “The secu locker room is right here, though, I can let you in. It’s—well, it’s not a safety shower, but it’s running water, so—”

“Go!” Freeman said, loosening his tie and starting to unbutton his shirt.

Barney nodded, jogging over to the locker room door and punching in his code to open it.

“Everybody out!” Barney called once it was open. “I got a hazard comin’ through, we need the showers!”

The couple guards milling about by their lockers sprang into action, grabbing their stuff and vacating the room.

Freeman hurried in, shirtless and with his belt hanging unbuckled, attempting to unzip his pants as he went. His hair was no longer tied back, and it framed his face, just dusting the tops of his shoulders. Barney shook his head and gave Gordon a wide berth, averting his eyes and focusing on getting the shower started.

Now, the guards’ locker room had a fairly standard layout, with an anteroom for lockers by the door and showers in the back, the two areas separated by a long metal bench. What wasn’t standard, however, were the showers themselves—there were multiple hanging showerheads, but no curtains or dividers in between, which meant there was very little privacy. It was a little weird, sure, having to shower ass out in front of God and all your coworkers, and truth be told it was probably some sort of HR violation, but at this point Barney was pretty much used to it. No one who worked security cared enough to stare at anyone else for too long, anyway; they were all tired, overworked and underpaid, and by the end of a shift folks really just wanted to wash the dust off and get out as quickly as possible.

Barney turned the faucet on, waiting to hear the hiss of water spraying out of one of the showerheads before he walked back to the anteroom. He lingered there at the lockers under the pretense of trying to find some uncontaminated clothes for Freeman to change into, wanting to give him some privacy to do what he had to do.

“Calhoun!” Freeman called, making Barney jump. “Get the fuck over here!”

Well, so much for that. Barney stepped back around, a towel and some dry clothes in hand, his eyes trained on the tile under his regulation boots. He was comfortable being around the secu team in the showers, sure. Barney _knew_ them. They were a _team._ Freeman was a wild card, even if he _was_ unfairly attractive for a man of science, and Barney knew better than to think with his dick. Attractive though Freeman might be, Barney was well aware of his numerous and very well-documented flaws. So he kept his eyes down. It was just polite. And besides, he really didn’t want to give Freeman the wrong idea and accidentally set him off. Judging by the utter contempt Freeman seemed to have for everyone else, Barney wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be homophobic, too.

“Everything okay, Doc?”

 _“Okay?”_ Freeman repeated. “I just had a _major chemical spill,_ so no, I’m not fucking _okay._ I need you to check me for chemical burns.”

Barney’s thoughts ground to a halt. “Huh?”

“Holy shit, are you _completely_ incompetent? This is standard lab safety. I need you to look me over and make sure I’m not going to die a _painful fucking death_ in this _godforsaken hellhole!”_

Barney took a deep breath. “Okay. Yeah.” He lifted his gaze, running his eyes over Freeman’s naked form, and, yep—definitely still unfairly attractive. Barney felt his breath catch in his throat.

 _The guy hates you,_ Barney’s brain reminded him. _He thinks you’re dirt._ But it didn’t stop his gaze from lingering on Freeman’s pecs, where two light scars were faintly visible, or on the dusting of dark, coarse hair that ran from Freeman’s gut down to his—Barney looked up, meeting Freeman’s eyes, cheeks and ears burning.

“Uh, you—you look good,” Barney said, stumbling over his words. “I mean, uh. I don’t see anything on you.”

Freeman’s eyes were locked on Barney’s, his gaze piercing and calculated. But he nodded, turning around. “How’s my back?”

“You didn’t spill anything on your—” Barney’s mouth was dry, suddenly, and he was definitely, absolutely, positively _not_ staring at Freeman’s ass. “It’s fine.”

Freeman turned to face Barney once more. He stood under the spray, hands on his hips as if daring Barney to say something. Barney swallowed.

“Lucky for both of us, it doesn’t seem to have caused any sort of adverse reaction,” Freeman said, finally. “Not yet, at least.”

Barney let out a breath. “Good. Great.” He tossed the towel and the clothes down onto a nearby bench, then unclipped his helmet and removed it, turning to leave.

“Calhoun, where the _fuck_ do you think you’re going?”

Barney stopped in his tracks, muscles tensing. “Look, Doc, my shift’s over, so if everything’s alright...”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Freeman said, stepping forward out of the water, slicking his hair back and out of his eyes. “You didn’t think I was going to let you just walk away from this without there being any sort of consequences, did you?”

Barney turned back to him, eyes narrowed. “Consequences?”

“Yeah, _consequences._ My sample is completely fucked, I could have been seriously injured, and it’s your fault,” Freeman snapped.

Barney rolled his eyes. “Now look, I’m sorry, Doc, I really am. But it was an honest accident, and you really shouldn’t have been carrying that stuff through the hall like that if it was so dangerous, besides. So I think maybe it would be best if we both just put this behind us and move on.”

Freeman surged forward, grabbing Barney’s vest with both hands and hauling him in close, causing Barney to drop his helmet with a _thunk._ “I don’t think so,” Freeman said. “I told you there were no signs of an adverse reaction—not _yet._ You’re going to stay right here with me until I am _absolutely positive_ that nothing’s going to happen.”

“Yeah? And how long is _that_ supposed to take?” Barney snapped, raising his forearms and shoving them outwards to break Freeman’s hold on him. “I told you, I’m done for the day, alright? I don’t have the patience to hang around and babysit you while you wash your ass.”

“Ooh, you think you’re _so tough,”_ Freeman hissed. “I saw you checking me out. I’m not stupid.”

Barney gritted his teeth and felt his face get hot. He looked away. “So?” he muttered finally.

 _“So,_ Calhoun, I think we both know that this is _exactly_ where you want to be,” Freeman said, voice gone soft and dangerous.

Barney’s eyes snapped back to meet Freeman’s. “You’d better watch what you’re implying,” he said slowly. “I wouldn’t want anyone to be gettin’ the wrong idea about things.”

“No,” Freeman said, and smiled, showing his canines. “I wouldn’t want that, either.” He stepped into Barney’s personal space again, forcing Barney to take an instinctive half-step back. “So. I’m going to make myself _extremely_ clear so that everyone understands the order of operations.”

Barney found himself nodding, eyes focused on a bead of water that clung to Freeman’s eyelash.

“I’m going to finish my shower. And you’re going to stay here, and watch me, until I’m satisfied,” Freeman said. “Got it? Or do I have to repeat myself?”

Barney could hardly hear himself think. The sound of the running water combined with his own blood rushing through his ears seemed to drown out almost every coherent thought, leaving Barney practically lightheaded. “Yeah,” he said, and his voice was rough. He cleared his throat, blinking slowly. “Yeah. I think I got it.”

“Good,” Freeman said, and lifted both hands to push Barney back a few steps. The back of Barney’s calves hit the bench, and he sat down hard. There was a noise by the door, and Barney’s head whipped around, sure that someone was about to burst in on them.

Freeman clicked his tongue. “Eyes on me,” he said.

“The door—” Barney started, then cut himself off as Freeman stepped back under the spray, letting out a little sigh of relief as the warm water hit him.

Freeman had his eyes closed, and he trailed a hand across his chest, fingertips skimming over the skin as water sluiced off him in rivulets. Barney’s own eyes were wide, and he watched, rapt, as Freeman’s hand drifted down over his soft stomach and the jut of his hip bone. Barney shifted on the bench, spreading his legs. He could tell he was wet, and God, how was he already this riled up over _Freeman,_ of all people? It occurred to Barney that there was nothing, materially, stopping him from just getting up and leaving. They were in their _workplace,_ for crying out loud, in a locker room that any of the other guards could enter at a moment’s notice and without even the flimsy half-privacy that a shower curtain would have provided. This was out of character for Barney—he didn’t _do_ stuff like this. But something kept him sitting there, practically glued to the bench, watching Freeman drag his hands up and down his glistening torso. God, he was so beautiful. Too bad about...well, practically everything else. But Christ, Barney wanted to enjoy this while it lasted. One of his hands drifted towards his belt and started toying with the buckle.

Freeman opened his eyes again to glare at Barney. “You better not fucking touch yourself, I want your full attention.”

Barney froze, and the same force that kept him from leaving compelled him to nod in acquiescence, moving his hand instead to grasp at the fabric of his uniform slacks.

Freeman smirked. “Yeah, that’s more like it.” He reached a hand down between his legs, spreading his folds and giving his exposed dick a few strokes, sighing a little at the touch. “Fuck, that’s good.”

Barney grunted in agreement, feeling his own dick twitch in empathetic response.

“Nothing like a little stress relief after a long day,” Freeman said, continuing to tease himself. He rubbed a finger against his entrance, breaching it just slightly before pulling back to touch his dick again. It was flushed and hard, the head barely visible amongst Freeman’s short, dark body hair. He spread himself with two fingers, using a third to press down on his dick, moving in small, tight circles.

Barney gritted his teeth. Almost inadvertently, his hips stuttered forward, but there was no friction, no relief. He exhaled hard, focusing instead on unclenching his hand, smoothing his palm down over his thigh while his other hand maintained a viselike grip on the edge of the bench. When was the last time he’d been this turned on? Barney couldn’t remember. He could feel his soaked underwear clinging to the skin of his inner thighs with every movement, and he groaned, frustrated and excited and damn near overwhelmed. “Wanna fuck you so bad,” he muttered, flicking his eyes up to meet Freeman’s for a split second before focusing back on the movement of Freeman’s fingers on his dick. 

“Holy shit,” Freeman said with a breathless sort of laugh. “You sound fucking _desperate._ Look like it, too.” He was breathing hard, pinching his dick with the fingers of one hand while he twisted his body to shove two fingers inside himself. Freeman made a sound, low and guttural, and Barney had to close his eyes for a moment, attempting to both collect himself and commit the image to memory.

Freeman crooked his fingers, trying to get them deeper. “You wanna fuck me? Ask nicely and I’ll consider it.”

Barney was practically shaking with tense frustration, white-knuckling the bench. “Please, God, I wanna put my mouth on you, wanna make you feel so good, _please,_ Gordon—”

“Oh fuck—” Freeman gave a choked-off cry, and then he came, hard, rubbing himself through his climax until he was oversensitive and shivering.

Barney watched him with wide eyes, hands twitching where they gripped the bench. He was so turned on it was like he could feel every thump of his pulse in his dick.

Freeman turned around, ignoring him. He continued his shower like nothing had happened, lathering himself up with a bar of soap before rinsing off. After a few moments, he turned the water off, wringing out his hair. He padded towards Barney, who sat stock-still on the bench. They locked eyes, and Barney’s pupils were blown out nearly black. Freeman leaned in so they were nearly chest-to-chest, making Barney inhale sharply.

The locker room was silent, save for the slow drip of the shower head.

Freeman reached out and grabbed the towel that was sitting on the bench next to Barney, stepping into the anteroom. “Thanks.”

Barney turned and watched him towel off and get dressed slowly, layering on each ill-fitting but dry item of borrowed clothing with obvious distaste: pants. Shirt. Socks. His own shoes, which had thankfully remained dry.

“Gordon,” Barney managed to croak out. “I’m dyin’ here, c’mon. Please.”

Freeman shook his head. “I told you. You fucked up, these are the consequences.”

“You can’t be serious,” Barney said, disbelief and sharp irritation creeping into his voice.

Freeman shrugged.

Barney shot off the bench, practically growling. He grabbed Freeman by the shoulders and slammed him up against the lockers, relishing in the surprised little gasp that left Freeman’s mouth.

“What’s the matter, Calhoun?” Freeman said, breathless and grinning wildly. “Huh? Wanna rough me up? Fucking do it.”

Barney slammed him against the lockers again, fingers tensing. Freeman held his breath.

Neither of them moved.

Finally, Freeman exhaled, and Barney let go of his shoulders, taking a step back. He looked away, unable to meet Freeman’s eyes.

Freeman stared for a moment, face unreadable. Then he shook his head, dusting himself off. “Pussy.” He slipped past Barney and headed for the door. “See you around.”

Barney hung his head. He stood there in the locker room, alone, until Freeman’s footsteps had completely faded away.

**Author's Note:**

> i literally cannot stop writing mindhoun hatesex sorry i have problems <3 also i swear im working on my other fic i just. had to get this oneshot out first lol. anyway pls leave me comments/kudos!! its hard for me to respond to comments but please know that i read every single one and also i love you
> 
> i have an [18+ twitter](http://twitter.com/nocaulk) if you want to follow it. its locked bc im shy but feel free to req! its nothing personal if i dont let you in i promise i just have a fear of being perceived


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